WOMEN IN TECH: MENTAL HEALTH STRATEGIES THAT ACTUALLY WORK

The Expectation for Women in Tech

Women in tech are expected to have it all together: work, parenting, marriage, the works. We spend our days scrolling through social media and see clips of perfect moments of the lives of other families and women like us. We see moms at soccer games, smiling from boats on the weekends, packing perfect picnics from their kids–impossible standards that are only clips of a life, yet we still compare ourselves to these photographed moments, and feel guilty when we cannot provide them. We see women advancing at all levels of corporate America, as we struggle to get our foot in the door of the workplace. We are passed up for promotions by a man 15 years younger than us with less experience. We watch passionate marriages and scroll past coaches that promise us they can bring back the romance, but we barely have time for a quick kiss at night before crashing, exhausted, into our beds. 

This is the truth of life in the tech field as a woman: there will never be enough time to do it all. Yet, we feel guilty when we try and fail.

Make it stand out

The truth is that we were never set up for success. So, what do we do? How do we find ways to do it all? How do we release the guilt of not being able to? 

Let’s take a look at some strategies that will help you.

• The Game

  The game strategy is basically breaking things down into a state where you can care LESS about the thing that’s stressing you out. If you see it as a game, or just try to take it a little less seriously, then you can reduce stress in your life by that cognitive trick alone. List, for example, seven things that are stressing you out. Then from that list, see what you can turn into a game. Choose maybe one or two that get to stay serious, then take the rest and make a game out of doing them. Your game will depend on what you are interested in. Like sports? Combine them with the sport of your choice. If you like basketball, for example, make a goal out of paper and a garbage and dunk something every time you finish a task. If you like running, take a little jog around the office when you feel stuck or frustrated. Try to take it lightly. Stress is brought on by assigning too much meaning to an event or situation. We make things bigger than they are in our minds.  Try to reduce stress through laughter, exercise, play. Think of a child when they first are learning something and how they are a mix of serious and playful. That’s your goal. 

• Make Meaning

  Making meaning works by using something called discernment in order to figure out what should have your attention and at what level of importance. Sometimes it can feel as if everything is on fire, and everything should have our attention, which can lead to burnout and overwhelm as we try to give our attention to everything that comes across our mental and emotional “desk”. 

  Using discernment to understand, create, and organize meaning, can allow us to create space between what’s most important and what can wait to be done. When we assign meaning to something, by proxy we create a list of things that have less meaning, or won’t bring as much meaning to our lives. Using our discernment to figure out what we want to assign meaning to can be done by thinking about the tasks in our life, and deciding which can bring us the most meaningful moments in our lives, the most joy or deep communion with ourselves and others.

• Trust

  Trust as a practice. Trust that the things you’re worried about today will not kill you tomorrow. Trust that even when things are happening that are beyond your control (which is most things) that you will be ok. Trust that you can have hard conversations, hard moments, in your life, at work, at home, and that it’s working toward your best growth. Trust comes when you begin to loosen the reins on the life you think you have to have and instead begin to accept and surrender and trust that what you are experiencing is 

• Communicate Your Needs

  Communicating your needs can mean one of two things: either sharing what you are capable of at any given moment (subject to change), or asking for help. Communicating your needs allows others to pick up tasks that you’re struggling with. Communicating with others about what you are capable of is a great way to not only become closer with others, but also to practice not doing everything yourself and burning yourself out.

  When it comes down to it, we all need to learn to ask for help. Asking for help is SO hard, but it’s necessary to break out of the idea that women need to do everything on their own in order to prove their worth. That’s an idea of women that has been forced onto us over time. We lived in community throughout time, and community makes our lives easier. We can lean into that by asking for help, and letting others know that we are imperfect humans who need help.

• Get Organized

  Nothing will kill your ability to have a work/life balance more than lack of organization. Even if it’s just organizing rest, make sure you are organizing what’s most vital and important to you by using your discernment to prioritize, then execute. There are so many apps that will help you stay organized. One of my favorites is Trello. There are many, many more. But most importantly, you need to prioritize tasks that are most meaningful to you, not just the ones that cause pressure or are on fire. 

Prioritize what you love, not what causes you stress.

Mental Health Strategies Summary

As you may have figured out, there’s a pattern to a good life. It has to do with living a life of meaning, which must be prioritized through discernment of what brings you the most meaning in your life at any time. This might change, and that’s ok. Where you get stuck is when you are prioritizing only your job, or only your children, or only your marriage. Instead, try prioritizing what brings you the most joyful meaning in your life. That may be feeling great about finishing a big project at work, or it might be wanting to join your kids for a late afternoon ball game. Or, and this is a big one, it could be you, resting, and taking care of yourself. <3

Till next time,

Erin Rosenblum. 

To start working on a better work/life balance, book a session.